Some rules for drinking

I am not much a bar person. I prefer to do my drinking at home or with family and friends at their homes. Much of it has to do with the fact I see social drinking as that: something you do with friends and/or family, not something you do to get wasted. At any rate, there are rare occasions when I do go out to a drinking establishment. So, as a public service to those out there, here are some rules for the savvy drinker. Some of these I knew already, others are interesting. Do look at all of the list. Some of the ones that stood out for me, with some comment from me:

• At the holiday office party, consume one drink less than your boss. (Actually, this is pretty much good advice. Way I see it, let the boss be the one who makes an ass of him or herself. Don't you be that ass.)
• Every man should know how to make at least one drink from a foreign country, preferably one taught to him by a local female with whom he has had a complicated, unresolved, and quite possibly dangerous dalliance. (I know how to make a couple of things, and no, I am not telling you who I learned them from.)
• Drinking is not a competitive sport (This is self-explanatory.)
• There is no upside to karaoke. (I know, been there, done that. However, when you sing "La Bamba" with an assistant principal, who knows?)
• The one foolproof hangover cure: don't get drunk.
  
• If you don't smoke and you are in a bar, don't complain about other people who happen to be smoking, because virtuous friend, you are in a bar. (This should be self-explanatory as well. While I don't smoke, I certainly know that in bars people smoke. It is a given; it is in fact part of the reason many people frequent bars. If you don't smoke, and you don't like smoke, the advice is simple: don't go to a bar. And by the way, if I am at a bar with you, and you feel the need to light up, fine by me.)
• Acceptable drinks for men: beer, wine, whiskey, cocktails that are neither sweet nor made with dairy or fruit other than lime or lemon or orange.
  
• Acceptable drinks for women: whatever they want, except a certain few (the certain few are listed in the rules too.)
• Pick up your drinks before moving the table. (This actually reminds me of something else. Make sure you have a good grasp on your drink. My grandfather was notorious in handing you a bottle of beer and then quickly making as if to drop it if you were not smart enough to grab the bottle from the bottom so it would rest on the palm of your hand. So, make sure you get a good grip on it when they hand it to you.)

A hat tip to the Liquor Snob.