Monday, November 20, 2017

We need a "Who is the next pervert asshole?" betting pool

This started out as a joke I made on Facebook after the latest (at the time) story of some influential male getting denounced for being a pervert harassing asshole. I think it was Al Franken at the time. Today, it's Charlie Rose. Who knows who is next. Anyhow, I am partially joking here, I think (and I will be honest, cracking jokes and humor are all that I have left in the Hard Times we are living the United States under the Pendejo In Chief), so I am saying we need a betting pool.

It would be "who is the next guy in influential position to be revealed an asshole?" We can even have categories and points. For instance:
  •  How many years ago did it happen? (We could have a point per year. 1/2 a point if we are dealing in months)
  • Location: was it the workplace? In a bathroom? in a government agency? in church? at a funeral? (lots of possibilities here)
  •  (for politicians): GOP or Democrat? (Because we all know those third parties and independents do not matter)
  • Also for politicians or figures in public service: will they resign? Will they get impeached or removed from their post?
  • The number of women making an allegation/denunciation/accusation
  • The number of men making an allegation/denunciation/accusation (if the asshole leans that way)
  •  The number of the above (women or men) that were minors at the time of the alleged incident or incidents.
  • You get a bonus if the asshole molested men AND women.
  • How many assholes are being accused in a given week/month or heck, daily at this point. So say, you get a number of points if you guess correctly how many assholes get busted in a given week.
  • For celebrities, are they popular or "washed out." 
  • Also for celebrities, do they lose their career right away (if they still had one)? Does he or she survive? (see also the long term bet below)
  • Was the asshole in question well liked before (think someone like Mr Rogers) or was he still an asshole anyhow (think New Jersey's top asshole Chris Christie)?
  • Degree of being religious (religiosity). 
    • What religion were they? (More points if it is something more exotic than the usual Christian)
    • Were they a full religious figure (i.e. a cleric or such)? 
    • If secular, were they religious nags wanting to impose their morals on the rest of us? (Think most every other RW evangelical)
    • On the other hand, were they sort of saintly (think St. Francis of Assisi  or Mother Theresa level). 
    • Or, were they atheists? (this may get you higher points since religious nags often get revealed more). 
  • Will the allegation result in criminal prosecution? 
    • If yes, you can also bet on what sentence they get and how long. Betting options for things like hung jury, having to change the trial venue, how long the jury deliberates, and other trial shenanigans and stunts available. 
  • Will the allegation lead to a civil lawsuit? 
    • If yes, you can bet on whether the lawsuit will end up with accuser winning, the accused winning, on the amount of the money won (if it does not end up sealed, which you can bet on that too), or if they settle out of court. 
  • The long term bet: how long before the asshole's career gets back on track after it is fucked up by the initial revelation. For example, in Kevin Spacey's case, how long before it becomes acceptable to employ him, watch his movies again, etc. 
  • Automatic win (this is your dark horse if you will): if a woman is revealed to be the pervert asshole. (Not saying it does not happen, but the odds are seriously slim. I think Vegas bookies will back me up on this. So, if it is a woman, you win the pool automatically). 
 Additional categories (additions due to new events): 
  • Odds on the pervert asshole committing suicide to avoid further scrutiny, shame, etc. like this Kentucky asshole
    • Additional betting options for method of suicide employed. The more "exotic" the method, the more you win. So gun would be fairly low (I mean, that is easy). Go for creativity here.
    • Bonus points if spouse or other close relative decides to try to run for their office/take their job, like the spouse of said Kentucky asshole announced.
  • An accusation turns out to be faked or a hoax/scam, like this one about Schumer
  • The asshole confesses "out of the blue." In other words, everyone is minding their business, and suddenly some guy gets "the urge" or "conscience" to confess he has always been an asshole, like this guy. You may have bet on him before for another option, but he skipped ahead being accused and just blabbed it out. 
  • Institutional pervert fuckery: A whole institution or organization gets shut down due to some sex abuse scandal, like the Nobel Literature Prize not awarding a prize in 2018 due to a scandal.  
  • A couple. It could be a straight or gay couple ( two men or two women) being perverts to another person. For example, this case  was two homosexual men accused of raping another man.  One guy pervert asshole is just a regular bet. A couple of assholes ganging up that is a new betting option.
So place your bets folks. And if you have suggestions for other betting options, feel free to comment.

(Again, I emphasize I am joking. If you are going to comment to get self-righteous, do not bother. I will just delete you and move on.)

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